I'm hanging on every word you say, but if you don't want to speak tonight, that's alright. I just want to sit outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing...
Life has been hectic lately. Between classes, homework, miss exec, friends, small group and sleeping, I've been bouncing from one thing to the next. I feel exhausted. I feel conflicting feelings of happiness and contentment with all parts of my life and, pull the other way are some discontents, frustrations and the fear of inadequacy.
God has been teaching me about praying, submitting and just holding on tightly to his hand and letting me lead him. It's been quite the experience so far. Some mornings I wake up and spend incredible time with God before heading on my way filled with the most incredible peace and excitement about where He's taking me and other mornings, I want to close my eyes as tight as possible and hold back with all my weight, screaming to have my own way.
The Miss Exec does a missions trip every year and the the trip this year excites me, but I feel a hesitation in my heart and I've been praying like crazy asking God to direct me, but He remains silent or directs my attention back to the tasks at hand. I started to panic last night while reading the application form because I need a reference from my pastor and well, I don't have one. My church in highschool hasn't had a pastor up until just a few months ago, but I've been in Calgary and did some church shopping before landing on a church I liked, but then it was time for my summer job which required me to go to a different church, leaving me completely pastor-less. So, I'd greatly appreciate your prayers for clarity and peace...that would be awesome!